I’m normally a very egalitarian person. Equality is a big deal in all things. Fair is fair is fair is etc etc etc.
Except when it comes to my damn fried chicken stands. Not only do I turn into a judgemental person against overweight individuals, this also makes me a bit hypocritical as I am in a constant struggle with my own weight (which is healthy now, but I’ve always toed the line) … and if any of you DARE suggest anything that connects my struggle with the fact that I visit fried chicken stalls, I swear I will psychically haunt your nightmares.
I totally will.
Anyway, back on point. The last few times at the chicken stall I’ve managed to get behind larger individuals. Not always overweight, but just … LARGE. One guy was easily over six foot and just HUGE. Not something you often see in Thai men. (Though six-to-seven-foot hulks get pretty common around high season with the influx of Scandinavians. Giant, blond, monsters walking around the island.)
During times like these, when these large Thai men and boys KEEP BUYING CHICKEN, I get internally upset. Stressed, angry. This stall makes a lot of chicken right before the lunch rush, then basically sells through lunch and then until they sell out. Sometimes they pack up shop around 2pm, other times 6pm. Just depends on when they run out. The area is mainly business, so after the lunch rush (and afternoon snack run), there isn’t much call for the chicken stand to make MORE chicken, which might go to waste.
I’m generally busy during the usual lunch time, so I’m always going to get chicken late. So, when I see one row of chicken left and a larger guy (thus far they have all been guys) a few feet in front of me, I get terrified they’ll run out of chicken. This (stupid) terror turns into (equally stupid) stress, which mutates into a pissy sort of anger at the man in front of me.
It’s only happened once that the guy up front has taken custody of the rest of the chicken and left me with nothing. I’m quiet and small, so I’m pretty sure he didn’t realize I was there, didn’t realize what he was doing by getting everything, but I’ve never forgotten that moment of staring at the empty stall, still craving fried chicken. And I never will.
This last time left me with one. One.
Possibly I deserve to be left with only one, considering my entirely ungracious thoughts towards this asshole who KEPT BUYING MORE FUCKING CHICKEN. But still. Shit. How hard is it to leave like … two pieces of chicken? They’re not giant pieces. And it’s not like you’re leaving it for the hypothetical “maybe someone might come that might want chicken in a few minutes”. No. I’m right there. Standing beside you. In line for chicken. You know what I want. LEAVE ME SOME GODDAMN CHICKEN, YOU GIANT!
A part of me is deeply ashamed of the anger I feel at these individuals. But it is a true part of me, and thus I feel a desire to share it with others. I’m not proud of it, and I’d like to change. I’d like to be a person that didn’t freak out a little to see a man bigger than me approach the chicken stand, but I am still too weak and poor a person at the moment to live up to that personal ideal.
Right now, all I can do is acknowledge this flaw in my personality, own up to it, and ask a certain amount of forgiveness. I don’t want to be judgmental … but I’m hungry, and I really really really want chicken.