Listen. Start out a movie with gobs of Catholic imagery in subdued colors, and I don’t want to watch your film. Like, at all. That shit is going to be scary or depressing or both. Toss in anything remotely dead? I don’t care if it is a rat or a human, a dead thing automatically means something contrary to my well-being.
Add Micheal Cera?
Okay, so it isn’t actually Micheal Cera, but for a second it looked like him. Which is stupid because he and Eddie Redmayne (vaguely famous from My Week with Marilyn) look nothing alike.
Anyway, there’s a movie on called Black Death, but as it starts with buttloads of Catholic stuff in shades of gray and brown combined with buttloads of dead people…
No. No thank you. Toss in all the pretty, fresh-faced blond girls you want. I’m not going to watch this movie. Toss in Sean Bean. Still not changing my mind. I do NOT like scary (or horror … heeellll no), and this is bound to end up having some sort of scary element to it.
Goodbye, movie channel.